I have the world's smallest (porn collection)
Other than Billy Graham or the new Pope, I think I might have the world's smallest porn collection.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a prude. When Blue Ridge Cable included the Spice Channel as part of its monthly package (something like 11 bucks), I got Spice before HBO.
I had it on all the time. In fact, I had it on accidentally when my hot 36-year-old housekeeper, Nancy, came in a few minutes before her scheduled appointment.
"Sorry, I meant to turn this off," I said.
"I LOVE porn," she said.
So I left it on for her. (She spent a lot of time dusting the TV and the VCR that day. I didn't mind.)
Then they made it hard (to get porn, I mean). When I went over to Digital (cable, that is), they said I couldn't pay $11 a month and get it on all the time anymore, I'd have to pay $10.95 each time.
After doing the math, I thought, "screw this." (No pun intended.)
So for the last three years, I've pretty much gone cold turkey from porn. I'm sure Nancy, who is now 39 and living in California, has seen more porn than I have since that day three years ago.
I don't love porn like Nancy did, I like it, but I'm not going to pay for it and I'm not going to walk into a video store and I'm not going to waste my time licking a stamp and ordering it.
So I'm down to one old VHS tape.
It's The World's Luckiest Jock, subtitled 101 Cheerleaders and a Quarterback, starring Erik Everhard (I doubt that's his real name, LOL) and literally 101 girls.
The plot line is a star quarterback comes in from a winning football game and is serviced by 101 cheerleaders in the locker room. There are a couple of leaps of faith the director asks the audience to take, besides the fact that there are 101 female cheerleaders in the male locker room. One, there are no other guys in the locker room and, two, no school ever has 101 cheerleaders.
However, there is press there. The first line of the film shows the, err, head cheerleader unzipping his pads and saying to the guys with the pens and tape recorders, "I don't think the press wants to see this."
Pretty soon the QB is naked and there's a line of 101 girls sitting with their cheerleader outfits on benches waiting to, err, service his manhood.
They all do and then they take turns making, err, love to him. It's all done in two hours, but I'm sure it took several days or weeks to film (LOL).
They are all so incredibly beautiful but what makes the movie to me is the smiles and the sheer looks of joy on their faces. It wasn't acting. These girls were really into it. As far as porn films go, it's Citizen Kane, The Wizard of Oz and Gone With the Wind all rolled into one incredibly erotic piece of art.
It makes me wonder why I was quarterback at an all-boys Catholic High School.
In my next life, I'm going to correct these little mis-steps.
Damn.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a prude. When Blue Ridge Cable included the Spice Channel as part of its monthly package (something like 11 bucks), I got Spice before HBO.
I had it on all the time. In fact, I had it on accidentally when my hot 36-year-old housekeeper, Nancy, came in a few minutes before her scheduled appointment.
"Sorry, I meant to turn this off," I said.
"I LOVE porn," she said.
So I left it on for her. (She spent a lot of time dusting the TV and the VCR that day. I didn't mind.)
Then they made it hard (to get porn, I mean). When I went over to Digital (cable, that is), they said I couldn't pay $11 a month and get it on all the time anymore, I'd have to pay $10.95 each time.
After doing the math, I thought, "screw this." (No pun intended.)
So for the last three years, I've pretty much gone cold turkey from porn. I'm sure Nancy, who is now 39 and living in California, has seen more porn than I have since that day three years ago.
I don't love porn like Nancy did, I like it, but I'm not going to pay for it and I'm not going to walk into a video store and I'm not going to waste my time licking a stamp and ordering it.
So I'm down to one old VHS tape.
It's The World's Luckiest Jock, subtitled 101 Cheerleaders and a Quarterback, starring Erik Everhard (I doubt that's his real name, LOL) and literally 101 girls.
The plot line is a star quarterback comes in from a winning football game and is serviced by 101 cheerleaders in the locker room. There are a couple of leaps of faith the director asks the audience to take, besides the fact that there are 101 female cheerleaders in the male locker room. One, there are no other guys in the locker room and, two, no school ever has 101 cheerleaders.
However, there is press there. The first line of the film shows the, err, head cheerleader unzipping his pads and saying to the guys with the pens and tape recorders, "I don't think the press wants to see this."
Pretty soon the QB is naked and there's a line of 101 girls sitting with their cheerleader outfits on benches waiting to, err, service his manhood.
They all do and then they take turns making, err, love to him. It's all done in two hours, but I'm sure it took several days or weeks to film (LOL).
They are all so incredibly beautiful but what makes the movie to me is the smiles and the sheer looks of joy on their faces. It wasn't acting. These girls were really into it. As far as porn films go, it's Citizen Kane, The Wizard of Oz and Gone With the Wind all rolled into one incredibly erotic piece of art.
It makes me wonder why I was quarterback at an all-boys Catholic High School.
In my next life, I'm going to correct these little mis-steps.
Damn.
posted by My Nude Life at
10:20 PM
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